Playful Tech Musings; Upgrading to Husband 1.0

Husband Program

Perhaps you've read this tech joke that is circulating. It spurred a creative bit in me. Have you ever been inspired to write a response to something totally out in left field?

The original joke: Upgrading to Husband 1.0 

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate***
Dear Desperate,
 Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.
DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
Good Luck!
Tech Support***
My feeble attempt at humour :

Have you tried Jesus Deluxe Edition?

Dear Tech Support:
I uninstalled Husband 1.0 after it was hacked by BarFly which tried to run Extortion 5.4 crashing Joint Banking 2.0.
I then installed several versions of Boyfriend which seemed to be clones of Husband 1.0 Finally I ditched the Shareware, realizing the Flowers app was draining my resources.
A Tech Support team sent by my Manufacturer suggested I try a new program.
I requested the Manufacturer send me Jesus Deluxe Edition, which arrived with Holy Spirit Ultimate and Supernatural Blessings.
Each day I learn more about the Jesus Deluxe Edition, with the help of my Manufacturer's free voice mail, Support System, and my Operating Manual.
If you haven't Downloaded Jesus Deluxe Edition yet, it is FREE to anyone who asks.
 I highly recommend it, as do millions of others!
-No Longer Desperate ***