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Monday, 25 August 2014

Robin Williiams Suicide- Comrade in Battle!

Robin Williams - Suicide - Overpowered in Battle

Suicidal thoughts - a battle often fought undercover and in isolation. Robin Williams battled suicidal thoughts until he was 63. Are you battling suicidal thoughts? This post contains a playlist of Robin Williams clips, a message for Zelda, some surprising cutting edge science, a review of "If Only Sleep Would Last" by a teacher winning his battle, my family's battle, and how God lifted this battle from me.
Please leave a confidential comment if you would like prayer or have any questions.

Suicide - Robin Williams Works and Interviews Carry Clues

Hindsight is the best sight. Was Robin Williams fighting a hidden battle in plain sight? Looking over his past interviews and work, you might be able to see a few clues.
Robin spoke of his emotional roller coater after his heart surgery. But for me, the most telling was his Charlie Rose interview.
Was Robin speaking of the character he portrayed in the Broadway play or was he speaking of himself?
"You can be the most brilliant guy in the world,... and still be upset, ... and still not handling life well" ~ Robin Williams
Robin Williams "You can be the most brilliant guy in the world, and still be upset, and not handling life well"
Robin Williams - A Brilliant Guy Fought a Tough Battle.

Suicide: Highly Unpredictable

The Neurobiological Basis of Suicide in the Frontiers in Neuroscience Series  points out suicides can rarely be predicted. Every 40 seconds, someone loses a battle against suicidal thoughts. Even skilled doctors cannot predict suicide accurately. In one study, 76% of inpatients had a nursing note quoting the patient as denying suicidal ideation as the last noted communication from the patient prior to their suicide.

Suicidal Thoughts : Secret Battles

Secret battles against suicide often only come to light when the enemy claims a victim.
Did Robin Williams' friends know his battle against suicidal thoughts? Perhaps, but even then would this have helped?
Robin said he only felt safe making "World's Greatest Dad" with his good friend. Did Robin share his private battle with his friend? Men rarely share battles with others. How can Suicidal battles be won?

Suicidal Thoughts : Winning the Battle

Not being isolated in battle can help, but it is important to have effective weapons. Chapter 18 in The Neurobiological Basis of Suicide hints briefly at the most effective weapon a person can have in their arsenal, and the one that released me from suicidal thoughts.
What final accusatory weapon ambushed Robin? Fighting suicidal thoughts undercover, is fraught with pitfalls. Are you facing this battle? You do not need to battle this giant alone. Even David did not slay Goliath on his own.
Battling against suicidal thoughts and self-destruction can involve a variety of strategies, some of us have discovered the ultimate weapon against false accusatory suicidal thoughts -TheTruth. Are you or a loved one fighting this hidden battle?  I hope this post will help.

Suicidal Thoughts- Why Open This Conversation?

Suicide - the 10th leading cause of death around the world,  the second cause of death in Americans 25 to 34, and third cause of death in Americans 10-24. While great strides have been made in battling other leading causes of death, little has been accomplished in the battle against suicidal thoughts.

"Death is not the enemy - the enemy is indifference."
Robin Williams in Patch Adams.

Suicidal Thoughts -Where Do They Come From?

Suicidal Thoughts - Surprising Science of Comorbidity

Did you know there is a microscopic organism that implants itself in brains of ants and causes them to commit suicide?  
"Ophiocordyceps unilateralis"
by David P. Hughes,
How could fungal spores cause suicide? Some scientists believe people can be affected in a similar manner depending on their lack of natural resistance to external biological factors. Resistance to these factors may run in families.
The Neurobiological Basis of Suicide contains cutting edge research into suicide including examining suicidal tendencies in families or comorbidity. Did you know there are serious short-comings in current treatment of suicidal behaviour?
 [While] "psychological, psychosocial, and cultural factors are important in determining the risk factors for suicide; they offer weak prediction and can be of less clinical use"

Suicidal Thoughts: Comorbidity Medical Viewpoint

The medical community often points to suicidal thoughts accompanying genetically inherited mental illnesses -in particular bipolar disorder. Some of these patterns of comorbidity are examined in the above text.

Suicidal Thoughts: Comorbidity Evangelical Viewpoint

Christian evangelical circles also acknowledge heredity in the battleground of the mind in the terms generational curse or a blood curse.  Here, suicidal thoughts are accurately described - they are a curse. The evangelical community also realises this curse can be successfully removed through prayer.
Robin Williams, a brilliant Juilliard trained actor was overpowered in his hidden battle. Did Robin Williams inherit a battle? Are his children battling this curse? Some interviews, could point to this possibility.
Are you fighting a family curse?
It is a battle my mother battled. A battle my father's mother faced, and her mother before that. A battle my sister, and both my daughters have been battling. I fought this genetic battle for many years, and I thank God for the removal of that curse from my mind. Historically, Christ healed many people, several of them beset with mental anguish. Christ still heals people today. I know this to be the truth - I was healed.

Suicidal Thoughts - What Are Suicidal Thoughts Like? 

Suicidal thoughts- if you've never engaged in this battle, it is difficult to comprehend.
Did you know the Bible is filled with people who battled suicidal thoughts?  Some biblical scholars attribute these thought to a Jezebel or controlling spirit. I agree.
You cannot "snap out of it", nor can you win this battle on your own.
In my experience, people do not "feel suicidal". Suicidal thoughts infest the mind, and they can come out of nowhere -blindsiding the victim. Suicidal thoughts can bully, suicidal thoughts can coerce, suicidal thoughts can cajole. Suicidal thoughts can appear in the guise of logic, and finally suicidal thoughts can appear to offer release. Two things in common with most suicidal thoughts are:
  1. Suicidal thoughts contain a tiny grain of truth that is twisted.
  2. Suicidal thoughts have one goal - to end the life of the person engaged in the battle.
Suicidal thoughts are often termed as negative self-talk by clinicians who try to understand suicide from an outsider's perspective. My suicidal thoughts often showed up in the accusatory you. For some people battling suicidal thoughts the bullying thoughts even appear in another's voice, easily recognised as not being their own. My youngest daughter says a man's voice is telling her to kill herself. Many who battle suicidal thoughts report similar instances. Why is this? These suicidal thoughts are caused by a Jezebel or controlling spirit/

Suicidal Thoughts - A Family Curse

My battle against suicide was definitely inherited. The summer of grade eight, my mother began telling me every morning she was going to kill herself.
Hanging Rope - Suicide
Hanging Rope
 I begged Mum to go to doctors. She would go, but only until she felt they were blaming her for her depression. Most days she was too tired to get out of bed, and trying to decide which clothes to put on was too much of a struggle for her. Those days were preferable to her "good days". "Good days" were dangerous days. A "Good Day" meant she would have the energy to carry out her plans. One afternoon when she seemed to be having a "good day", I discovered Mum's purse in her room. Mum was no where to be found. Frantically I called neighbours. A woman up the road found my mother in their barn preparing to hang herself. How do you live with a suicidal parent? Knowing my mother was suicidal, was somewhat comforting. I didn't feel so alone in my battle. My personal battle had started many years earlier.

Battling Suicidal Thoughts -  Poor Techniques

Just as trying to battle a war on your own is futile, trying to battle suicidal thoughts alone is folly. Why do people try to battle suicidal thoughts alone? As long as suicidal thoughts are seen as a weakness, disorder or illness, people will continue to be isolated in their battle. Trying to battle a curse on your own can be disastrous. If suicidal thoughts are infesting your mind, you do not need to engage this dragon in battle alone. Reach out for help.
Chapter 18 in The Neurobiological Basis of Suicide points out that spirituality and religion have a protective effects against suicidal thoughts. 
What are some bandage strategies people try?

Battling Suicidal Thoughts - Poor Coping Strategies Treading Water 

There are many ways people try to battle suicidal thoughts on their own, While it is a valiant effort, eventually a lone warrior tires. Just as any warrior engaging in battle needs to be in top condition, physical exercise, adequate sleep and good  diet can help.
Unfortunately, often people battling suicidal thoughts on their own are lead into destructive addictive behaviours that provide temporary increase in endorphins. A common destructive coping behaviours is self-medication,
Battling Suicidal Thoughts: Excess Self Medication, Spending, Exercise, Controlling Sex
Self-medication results in even greater problems, and even more self-recrimination. Many people who battle suicidal thoughts try self-medication through drugs or alcohol. In interview clips, both Robin and his daughter Zelda speak of their triumph in their sobriety battles. 
In addition to artificial stimulants, people try battling suicidal thoughts through excesses in spending, physical exercise,  and sex. Why? These actions also temporarily increase endorphins.
Over spending was my parents' drug of choice.
Robin, a cycling enthusiast, addressed his excesses with humour- wondering why he would buy a diving watch to wear on Broadway, and cycling 50 miles with no way back. I too faced these compulsions - buying so many encyclopedias a company thought I was a library, and doing aerobics for 3 hours straight despite being 100 pounds overweight.
Robin  also alluded briefly to his father's financial problems. These temporary strategies can lead to even more self-recrimination, and increase the downward spiral.

Battling Suicidal Thoughts - Medical Strategies

Doctors and pharmaceutical companies try to help in the battle against suicidal thoughts. However The Neurobiological Basis of Suicide points out even in hospital doctors are unable to predict suicides of their patients.
Kindle Version
In "If Only Sleep Would Last - Help from One Who's Been There",  Murray C. Watson examines the three main types of medical help with wit and humour:
  •  Pills, 
  • Skills, and 
  • Wills. 
Murray, a former Ontario high school teacher, and skilled orator, brings his  engaging message of hope to audiences ranging from teens to seniors - who eagerly apply his positive coping techniques for battling suicidal thoughts. Through quotations, statistics, and his personal experiences, Murray gives concrete examples of how people can battle this dragon and get out of this deep dungeon.
Murray explains that medical strategies may be useful, but at best they put a bandage on a gaping wound. Sometimes medical treatments can even cause more problems. Murray through conquering his dragon points to an lightened way of conquering suicide.

What cures suicidal thoughts? 

A time-honoured solution. Where can you find it? Murray's answer? In the Bible. I agree.

Suicidal Thoughts - My Past Battle

Before I even started school I started being bombarded by thoughts - "Everyone would be better off without you" "Why don't you leave?" I made my first attempt to "get away ' at age five, running away down  a busy highway with my favourite doll. A neighbour stopped me before I lunged into traffic.  I made my first suicide attempt in grade 5. after receiving tranquilisers to help me sleep,  Why did I try this way out? I could not see any other way out of my life with an abusive mother and brother. My life was a roller coaster of emotions.

My Negative Past Coping Behaviours

My darkest times were as a young mum after separation from a violent ex-husband. I sought highs from major spending sprees - buying all the clothes on the sales rack in my size, then returning them the next day. Eventually, this lost its allure and I turned to revenge sex whenever my daughter visited my parents.  It was a time of women's lib. Co-workers laughingly referred to my "harem". While I wore the mask of a "good time girl", I was angry, frustrated, and alone. I wanted out.

Suicidal Thoughts Can Kill

One morning I woke in hospital after a roomer hadn't been able to rouse me from sleep. Emergency staff had injected me with adrenalin.The psychiatrist said I'd "lost the will to live". My suicidal thoughts were termed sociological and stemming from my circumstances.
I sought out the hospital chaplain. My question?
"How could God forgive me for the things I do when I couldn't forgive my ex-husband?" 
We examined the difference between two passages - one where a person asked for forgiveness - the other where the person was unrepentant. Are you familiar with these? 
I was in and out of hospital with "nervous breakdowns".
Downward Spiral Into Depravity
I sought release through physical exercise - doing weight training and body building for hours on end. One woman at the college gym even voiced concerns about my "extended warm up" routines. I spent. Oh how I spent! I bought so many encyclopedias, the company sent a letter to the "Suzanne Sholer Memorial Library". I collected lovers and used them like kleenex. No, sex in this manner is not physically enjoyable, it is the thrill of controlling others.
Recognizing Addiction
When I entered university, I realised how my coping strategies had become addictions. They interfered with my ability to concentrate on anything and to focus. I wanted out.
I went to a doctor for help with my sex addiction, 
His answer? Some women just have a higher libido. 
No, I knew something was wrong.
I wanted out of this cycle.
I went to doctor after doctor trying to get a solution.

Suicidal Thought: My Positive Bandage Strategies 

My sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Could this be the key to my problems? Again I sought medical help.
No, I couldn't be bipolar - my moods changed within minutes. 
Sitting in all night coffee shops became my new strategy for battling suicidal thoughts. I privately tried battling my controlling addiction by putting on weight and making my home a total disaster area to keep myself from bringing strange men home. This kept men out of my home, but it led to more dangerous events.
It was only through God's grace I didn't end up with a disease or dead in a dumpster. These techniques kept me alive, but affected my eldest daughter who attempted suicide at age 16.

Battling Suicidal Thoughts : Hitting Bottom

Whenmy daughter attempted suicide, my world crashed. I begged for medical help. Finally a doctor listened and I was hospitalised for observation.
During hospitalization I was put through different drug regimes. The side effects were worse than the problem, and ranged from causing a catatonic state to splitting my mind in three- one part caching pills to kill the other parts. Finally, the head of psychiatry diagnosed me with rapid cycling bipolar disorder. The same diagnosis each of my daughters would eventually bear.

Battling Suicidal Thoughts ; Treading Water With Prescriptions

Years of pills and cognitive behavioural therapy helped keep me alive, but the suicidal thoughts and negative coping techniques remained in the wings and could surface at anytime. I was treading water.
My second daughter's birth brought Fibromyalgia - a curse and a blessing. The Fibromyalgia made even the slightest touch excruciating removing the allure of sexual control as a coping technique.

Battling Suicidal Thoughts: Longing for a Cure 

I  resigned myself to a life of pills that might keep this illness in check, just as diabetics require insulin. Yet I longed for a cure. A cure not a bandage. An actual cure that would remove those voices telling me to leave.
Is this where you are in your battle? Do you long for a cure? I was cured, and you can be cured too.

Suicidal Thoughts - A Skeptic Cured!

August 13 2011,  I attended a free BBQ hosted by Omemee Christian Outreach- a skeptic looking for a story and potential web clients. Being cured was the last thing on my mind.
The last person on the roster of performers that day was a little man from Cuba, who spoke through an interpreter. After speaking, he asked if it would be alright to invite people up for prayer, saying that in Cuba, he and his wife prayed for people and they were cured. No one came forward. The little guy from Cuba, left the stage, and everyone started packing up.
No one was going up for prayer.
I went closer to hear what was being said and to get some quotes for an article.
To make a long story short, my curiosity led me to ask for prayer. What would it matter if it didn't work? It was free, and I definitely wouldn't be going to Cuba in the near future.
Did I ask for a cure from the suicidal thoughts?
NO. I asked for release from the Fibromyalgia.
To my surprise, they also prayed for me to be released from generational curses and double-mindedness.
I was shocked - how did they know my secret?
Apparently many people exhibiting Fibromyalgia also exhibit bipolar disorder!
At first I didn't realize anything had happened, that is until someone hugged me! I had been an untouchable - I was now pain free! The next thing I noticed was the change in my thoughts no longer invaded by lust, but replaced by compassion. The change was immediate. I had been a prisoner, and was set free!
I went from sceptic to convert in one short prayer.

Suicidal Thoughts Banished My Healing Verified!

My sister Jeanne, was amazed when she talked with me over the phone. She heard the change in my voice. However, she didn't want to believe a brief prayer could remove what years of treatment only managed to subdue. Jeanne suggested the bipolar disorder had "burned itself out."   I went to the psychiatrist for follow up, he noted the difference. "Perhaps I misdiagnosed you" he mused over years of notes.

Suicidal Thoughts Cured - The Difference

How can I describe the difference of being under a generational curse of suicidal thoughts to being set free?? It was like someone walked into a black dank mouldy room and flung open the curtains restoring fresh air and sunshine to even the farthest corners of the room. My mind was at peace- no more racing thoughts no more being captive in a pit not being able to climb out. I was filled with Peace. What Peace?  The "Peace that Passes Understanding." Yes, this peace does exist! After being locked in battle for years, I was free.
My previous hunger to control others through sex was replaced with a new hunger. What hunger? A hunger to thank God, and learn all I could about him.
Yes, Miracles are real.
Yes, God answers prayers still today.
Christ stands at the door and knocks. Will you open your heart and let Him in? Christ heals!

Suicidal Thoughts - A Message For Zelda

When I saw Robin Williams died, it hit me hard. My mind flooded with thoughts that made absolutely no sense to me -snatches of phrases
"Tell  Robin Goodbye",
"Robin was our friend"
 "Tell Zelda"
 Who was Zelda?
 I'd been familiar with Robin Williams dramatic work in Awakenings, The Fisher King, and Patch Adams, his hilarious comedies - Mrs. Doubtfire, Mork and Mindy, and Happy Feet. I knew nothing of Robin Williams', Broadway work, his family. stand up work, his work with dolphins, Koko the Gorilla nor his concern for the penguins of the Antarctic.  I was drawn to pull together a playlist of Robin Williams work. Here are Robin Williams greatest hits  - what he termed his "labours of love".
Robin Williams Greatest works: Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Fisher King,Goodwill Hunting,Being Human, Worlds Greatest Dad, One Hour Photo - His labours of love
Robin Williams Greatest Works according to Robin Williams
As God placed videos across my path the message emerged:
It is a message from to Zelda - Robin Williams daughter.
The words I received were:
Zelda: You are magical. I hurts when a friend goes away. The play goes on. You can contribute a verse. What verse will you contribute? Love, Robin's Friends
Here is the playlist I was lead to create, since some of the videos do not allow embedding , you will need to watch it on YouTube
Message For Zelda the music is 'Daughter" Since creating this playlist one clip was removed . It showed an evil female alien asking- does it hurt when a friend goes away? and Robin as Mork replying "Yes, it hurts when a friend goes away."
Robin Williams Suicide leads to message of hope for Zelda Click to watch on YouTube
Message for Zelda - What Verse Will You Contribute?

Battling Suicidal Thoughts? You Are Not Alone!

Do you want to rid yourself of suicidal thoughts?
You are not alone.  I battled suicidal thoughts for many years, but through the love of Christ, I was lifted out of this battle August 13, 2011. God loves you.
No matter what you have done up to this point in your life. God loves you!
My simple prayer?
Lord help me to forgive others. 
Christ on the cross had more mental physical and emotional pain than I will ever have, yet he said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." When people did things against me they did not know what they were doing to themselves. Father forgive them.
Father, as I forgive them, forgive me. I know I am a sinner, and I am truly sorry for what I have done. 
In Jesus name come into my heart. Heal me of generational curses, double mindedness and any traumas that triggered these curses in my life. 
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet, I ask in Jesus to heal me from all afflictions and give me a new life in you. Thank you Father. Amen"
If you need someone to pray with, seek out a spirit filled church. Your life will be blessed. If you would like prayer, you can leave a confidential or anonymous message, but know this. God loves you no matter what. God will hear what is in your heart of hearts when you cry out to Him.
May God Bless you as you bless others. Today and always,
Your sister in Christ.
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